nbsp

so we thought this movie was made for us. vampire? check. assassin? check. seductress? triple check. and yet somehow, somehow, a latex-clad woman assassinating rich men with guns did not do it for us.

however i think this movie gets some things right completely by mistake. the illuminati are so self important and cringeworthy in a way that they would absolutely be in real life. this is like Deus Ex. i love it

VERDICT: KEEP

the best thing about this movie is the bald woman vaping on the cover

up until watching this movie, bruce campbell had been most notable to me as the narrator for the Spider-Man 2 video game for PS2. for a film called Mindwarp it has little to do with mind control? it’s like a Matrix thing if Neo spent the entire runtime of the movie trying to get back in and mostly just running around getting killed in the desert

clod was my favourite character. small, shy, nonverbal, and extremely bitey. it’s a shame she got turned into juice though :(

this movie was shot in heaven. there was so much bloom. at one point the main character asked “who’s that over there” and it cut to a shot of the divine light. the cameraman got flashbanged

VERDICT: EXPUNGE

i watched this movie for the first time in a while, together with someone who didn’t know the twist. this time around i had the chance to look at just how fantastic the editing and pacing of this film is. fantastic fantastic fantastic.

this is Waiting for Godot with guns and boobs

if your dead bestie's wife slapped your coagulated ghost jizz off the roof and
suddenly there's roof cum on your cheek wouldnt you be scared
your dead bestie's glazing you

absolutely bonkers from start to finish — it’s fascinating how a trainwreck like this ever made it to the big screen. this is my favourite movie of all time, i think