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there are too many characters in this movie, and they all have a vaguely romanian accent, including the two americans, except the one woman in this movie who is russian but has an american accent

so we thought this movie was made for us. vampire? check. assassin? check. seductress? triple check. and yet somehow, somehow, a latex-clad woman assassinating rich men with guns did not do it for us.

however i think this movie gets some things right completely by mistake. the illuminati are so self important and cringeworthy in a way that they would absolutely be in real life. this is like Deus Ex. i love it

VERDICT: KEEP

the best thing about this movie is the bald woman vaping on the cover

up until watching this movie, bruce campbell had been most notable to me as the narrator for the Spider-Man 2 video game for PS2. for a film called Mindwarp it has little to do with mind control? it’s like a Matrix thing if Neo spent the entire runtime of the movie trying to get back in and mostly just running around getting killed in the desert

clod was my favourite character. small, shy, nonverbal, and extremely bitey. it’s a shame she got turned into juice though :(