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articles about this movie talk about how it was “ruined” in the edit that favoured gags, but i don’t think this was a masterpiece to begin with. there are 6 plots that (i think???) weave in together, but they cut between them every 40 seconds. the Rob Lowe-alike speaks in MIDI piano vocal sound effects. Everyone is so obviously on cocaine, and the acting and direction makes this movie feel like an adaptation of a play, in which case hey it’s better than the genre amirite gottem

i went to sleep halfway through

there are too many characters in this movie, and they all have a vaguely romanian accent, including the two americans, except the one woman in this movie who is russian but has an american accent

so we thought this movie was made for us. vampire? check. assassin? check. seductress? triple check. and yet somehow, somehow, a latex-clad woman assassinating rich men with guns did not do it for us.

however i think this movie gets some things right completely by mistake. the illuminati are so self important and cringeworthy in a way that they would absolutely be in real life. this is like Deus Ex. i love it

VERDICT: KEEP

the best thing about this movie is the bald woman vaping on the cover